If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
