So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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