yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
