So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
