she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
