hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
