can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
