It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
