So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
