I think I died a long time ago.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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