i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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