Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
