I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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