I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
