They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
