i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
