best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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