I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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