How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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