just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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