Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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