I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
