He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
