I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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