you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
