Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can I color on your dick again?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
