false alarm. still invincible.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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