Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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