margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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