this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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