Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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