The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
