a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
