Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
