those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize