Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
