So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
