Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
