just come out here and I will go home with you...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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