please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
