I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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