hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
