i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
