His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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