Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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