i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
is it fun? or sober?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
