so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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