Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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