well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize