Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
