bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it hurts more in the daytime
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
