Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
