Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
