Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
