found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
