If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
