So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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