She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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