Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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