Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
