I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
