filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
