So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
