I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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