Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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